Lytle Lodge: No Vacancy

We have been without an empty room now since January.  Our foster son arrived exactly 10 weeks ago today.  He's 14 years old.  He's doing very well.

But "doing well" does NOT mean:

• Fostering is easy.  This is never true.  I am very inexperienced compared to other foster parents.  We have only been certified for about a year, and he is only our second guest.  Still, the system is a broken one. Systematic improvements have been made, but it's simply not enough.  Sometimes I don't think it's possible to fix it, because there's no easy answer to helping kids who are victims of such trauma.
• There are no relationship issues.  This is ridiculous when you think about it.  Even newly married couples who choose to live life together have problems as they adjust to getting used to an other (imperfect) human in their home.  New (sleep-deprived, overwhelmed) parents have to adjust when a new baby comes into the family, often causing some stress in the marital relationship.  So imagine bringing in a teenager who has been through hell.  Imagine an entire new culture of relationships. Imagine the child depending on strangers to provide basic needs, which includes love. Now, imagine it's your child.  
• I never think about him leaving.  I hate admitting that his is false.  Sometimes, I imagine our lives after he goes home.  The more space we will have in our house.  (Who cares?  How shallow of me!)  The smaller grocery bill. (Really?  Like I don't serve a God who provides beyond our needs!)  The less complicated, simpler life. (Unacceptable! Serving others involves sacrificing of the easy life, and all Christ-followers are called to serve.)  

"Doing well" does mean:

• He's an easy child to like.  The first child who was placed with us was not easy to like.  It's hard to explain, but he could be very difficult.  We loved him anyway.  We hugged, we praised, we laughed, we had fun, etc.  But it was a deliberate choice, because loving someone means you choose to treat him how you would want to be treated, even if you don't feel like it.  Our teenager is more likable.  He's a moody, 14-year-old, who gets irrationally angry.  But this is what most boys his age are like, from what I have seen as a middle school teacher and what my parenting-of-teens friends say. This guest of ours is fun and independent.  (Extra bonus:  He is neater than my other three boys!)
• We don't have any horror stories.  The ones that "they" tell you about during training.  The ones that may make you change your mind if you are considering fostering.  The ones that you expect to happen if you say "yes" to a teenager being placed in your home.  For example, destroying their room by breaking windows and punching holes in walls.  Sneaking out and running away.  Getting drugs at school and bringing them into your home.  Terrifying defiance.  None of this has happened, and I thank God for it.

So, that's the latest Lodge Event!