Once Upon A Time, 11 Years Ago This Very Day....

Aidan, 5th Grade

This guy is amazing.  I am so proud and blessed and humbled to be his mommy.

He loves sports.  He loves his brothers.  He loves church.

He hates giving me kisses, which is understandable. I settle for an occasional hug, but I am not happy about it.  He hates math, though he is very good at it.  English is more his thing. He hates squash, but he will try most any food and keep an open mind about it.  

I couldn't love him more.  

He's very smart.  He loves to learn.  I hope his craving, interest, desire to know things doesn't stop.  I hope he realizes that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, as he continues to grow.

A letter for my boy.

Dear Aidan,

I love you.  I'm sorry when you don't feel like I do, like when I yell about your dirty clothes all over your room.  But never doubt that I love you.  The reason I correct you, share Scripture with you, bug you about hugging me, ask you about your day, etc. is because I love you.

Never allow a girl to have power over you.  Women can be manipulative, using their feminine ways to get what they want.  Don't fall for it.  If a girl acts stupid around you, walk away.  Either she is stupid, so you should avoid her anyway, or she is faking stupid to get your attention.  Which is stupid, so see my previous point.  I know it seems like you are too young for this advice, but the advice about girls needs to be given before you are "ready" so you can be prepared.  And don't be ready until you are 30.

Always be kind, especially to those who mistreat you.  But don't be a victim.  This is a difficult balance.  There will always be "bullies" and no amount of education or school policies or government interference will change that.  So you need to know what to do if you are mistreated.  Remember our go-to policy when you are mistreated through words:  1.  Ask, "Is it true?"  2.  If the answer is yes, thank the person for informing you.  3.  If the answer is no, you can ignore it because it's a lie.  Remember what to do if you are mistreated physically.  #1.  Try to turn the other cheek.  Sometimes, this will cause your attacker to feel surprised and guilty about hurting someone who is kind to them.  But, I know this is not always the case.  So, #2.  Punch back.  You may get kicked out of school, but you won't get in trouble at home.  

Laugh at yourself.  If you take yourself too seriously, you will be disappointed.  You will trip in front of others, you will say something (unintentionally) silly, you will not know something others think you should know.  Laugh along with others who are laughing.  

I am looking forward to our dinner.  One of my favorite things is taking you out to eat every year for your birthday, just the two of us.  I can't wait to talk to you, listen to you, and be amazed by you.  

I love you,

Mom

Lytle Lodge: Vacancy

The Lytle Lodge has a vacancy.  Our foster son was reunified with his family.  This has been a difficult journey to mentally process, so I am struggling with how to put the trip into words. Perhaps it would be best to mention some snapshots about it.  Maybe, once I see a bulleted list of feelings, observations, etc., I will be able to see some pattern that will make a beautiful picture of what I am supposed to learn and think.

• I was ready for him to go home.  Things were getting better.  His attitude, his work ethic at school, his relationships with others, his desire to please, etc.  Then, all of a sudden, he was to get unsupervised phone calls.  Then it seemed he traveled miles back for every forward inch of victory we had experienced.  It was difficult, and I confessed to an understanding and trustworthy friend that I was ready for him to go home.
• That readiness made me feel guilty.  Most of the time.  Guilt is a beast.  Did I disappoint God, my Adopted Father, because I wanted him to go back to his parents?  Was I suppose to feel like he was my child?  How many opportunities of truth-teaching did I pass up because I was tired or he was annoying or I was apathetic or I was giving up or....?
• Though I felt "ready" I really wasn't.  How he was reunified was very shocking.  I am certain that the way he was sent back home was not healthy for him.  (I do feel like his mom loves him; I don't think he was being sent back to a family who did not love him, which is more than what hundreds of thousands of kids in our world get.  But, that doesn't mean the WAY it happened was best for him.)
• My boys do not want another foster child.  This makes me sad.  But, I also understand why they feel this way.  (See bullet point 1.)  I am very proud of them, though.  They handled this adventure like champs, and I am confident they will learn more about God's love and how we should love others through this experience. 
• What next?  Our agency does not have young ones, and my boys are not willing to take a teenager.  (We think we should respect the kids' voices in this ministry because it is an entire family commitment, not just one for me and my husband.)  I would love to have a toddler or even an infant.  Do we switch agencies, though?  I feel a very strong sense of loyalty to our current agency; they have invested time and money into our training.  It seems wrong to leave them.

Not a portrait that is obvious.  Maybe after some more processing of what has taken place, this random list will become some impressionist painting or something beautiful for me to see.  As of now, it's just spilled on the canvas.

Lytle Lodge: Vacancy

Well, we just completed our first foster care placement experience.  It. Was. Crazy.  Our simple little life we had carved out  turned complicated, messy, difficult, and exhausting.

Though God is a God of order and He does not ordain chaos, living in a fallen world makes chaos inevitable.  Living in a world who rejects our very foundation for existing makes life chaotic.  Sometimes, to live a simple, easy life is to ignore our God-given responsibility to share the Gospel with people who are enemies of the very One who Created them to be worshipers of Himself.

And so, to be obedient, life became crazy.

Our foster son was abruptly removed from our home yesterday to be reunified with his bio parents.  We had no warning.  We had no idea.  We didn't even know there was a court hearing.  Got a call at 1:45.  He was gone by 3.

There are many emotions that are difficult to verbalize.  But, I am reminded of my mission as a mother to my three kids.  I am reminded of how this experience made God, His Word, His Son become a more concrete, tangible, and authentic way to worship and serve and love.

Because I am convinced our love for our Creator and Redeemer only goes as deep as how we love the "least of these."

Remembrance, February 2013

The boys are so fun.  If I could bottle up our conversations and pull them out when I've had a bad day, I would never be in a bad mood. (Don't over-analyze this.  I KNOW bad moods are a matter of choice, and I can always choose a better mood, even without my magic bottle-conversations.)

Here's what has happened lately, but mostly today during the car ride after school:

1.  Aidan told me that I should start asking him "What did you accomplish today?" Upon further investigation, I realized his motive.  I told him that when I ask him "How was your day?", his answer can include his accomplishments.  I don't have to ask specifically in order for him to share anything with me.  However, I also wanted to ask him the question since he particularly asked me to.  I thought maybe his teachers had had a discussion with him about this, and he had been convinced that this is an important question.  But, upon more questioning (including the question he asked me to ask), he wanted me to know that he made 2 paper airplanes in a new way that he personally discovered.  He was super excited about it.

2.  I don't want to forget Ethan's desire to use big words or phrases.  He really loves to pick up new ways of saying things, then he uses it. Not always correctly.  I wish I had specific examples to share right now, but none come to mind.  It may be more of a tone and way of delivery than the actual words.

3.  Wesley has been disrobing in the middle of night, removing his underwear, putting his pants back on, and putting his underwear on his head.  We find him the morning with his underwear on his head as a night cap.  I am not making this up.  He's sound asleep...with underwear on his head.

4.  We are one class away and one make-up session away from completing our foster parenting training.  Still much to do, but the classes are about to be checked off the list.  Yay!

Remembrance: July 7th, 2012

1.  W:  "I smell some-ting, Momma!"
      Me:  "Really?  What do you smell?"
      W:  "I smell He-Man!"

Found the old 1983 series of "He-Man" on Netflix that I watched as a child, and Wesley has decided he loves watching it.  It's ridiculously cheese-y, but were not most things in the '80s?

Remembrance: June 21, 2012

1.  Wesley is going through a phase.  Kids go through phases often.  The good ones seem to go by really fast, while the bad phases drag.  I guess I would label this as a bad phase, but it's stinkin' hilarious.  He is mooning us.  Yes.  That is not a typo.  His older brothers should be spanked...I mean thanked for this.  He likes to drop his drawers walk through the room and yell "BUTT CHEEKS" to those willing to give him an audience.  It's, of course, not encouraged by the parentals, but we can't help but find it amusing.  Hopefully he doesn't recognize that we find it amusing and sees our serious faces.

Remembrance: June 13, 2012

1.  A and E at the pool today.  Not being able to swim, and the water being too cold for E to enjoy it, they found a way to entertain themselves while W enjoyed splashing around.  Aidan was Poseidon and Ethan was Zeus.  It was awesome to hear them pretend using Greek mythology.

2.  This afternoon, while Wesley was napping, the older two watched some TV.  They watched an episode or two of "The Electric Company" on Netflix, and Aidan exclaimed, "Francine [an antagonist on the show] has only read books she was assigned for school!  She doesn't know the pleasure of reading!"  He was very appalled at such an idea.

Introducing Remembrance Series

Kids at Marathon Spring 2012

Introducing Remembrances Series.  In this series I will post occurrences that I want to remember and they may not be long enough to warrant an entire paragraph or further observation by moi.  These will mostly be about my kids, I am certain.

Sweet, Sweet Summer

Maybe, perhaps, possibly, I will write more during this time of year.

Updates about the Lodge:

1.  My baby is three today.  THREE!  If it weren't for surgery, I would be pregnant again.  Adoption?
2.  My eldest two have decided this week to no more call me "mommy" but "mom" which is a little heartbreaking, actually.  Did they discuss this in the privacy of their bedroom?  Was this a conscious choice?  If it weren't for surgery, I would be pregnant again.  (Did I already say this?)
3.  We just returned from a week in Missouri with family.  Interesting as always.  Silver Dollar City and first roller coaster rides, Grandpa's massive mud puddle, and kids able to see every single MO cousin were among the highlights of the trip.  Also, A and E won 20 bucks by catching a punt.  Interesting story, especially the process of negotiating the splitting of their winnings.  Perhaps I will write it out another time so I won't forget.
4.  We joined the Y before we left to go to the pool more often this summer.  We'll see.
5.  I am thinking about deleting my Facebook page.  Phill has one now.  I could use this blog to post pics of the kids for my family who really wants to see any.  Still thinking on this one.

Blast from the Past : #8

November 20, 2001--E is for Ethan

Hello world. I am now three years old, or so they tell me. I am not sure what "Happy Birthday" is all about. The way mommy said it to me, I assumed she meant to say "I love you." So I gave her a big hug and in my sweet, precious voice I returned with, "Happy Birthday, Mommy." She assures me that this Sunday I will be having the actual party. I still don't understand what's going on, but I am excited because, apparently, I get to blow out some candles. This activity I do not take lightly! I love to climb on top of counters, etc. to blow out candles all the time, but I usually get yelled at. So knowing I am allowed to blow out candles this Sunday...wow, no wonder we are having a party!

I also am confused about the whole letters thing. I see some meaningless symbol written on a piece of paper; Mommy assures me it is called a letter. Since I tend to only hear what Charlie Brown hears from his mother, they all sound the same to me. So when asked, I just say "P" because, let's face it, most of them sound like that anyway. The only letter I know consistently is this symbol: E. This, my friends, is called an "Ethan." I sometimes refer to it as "me" because it IS annoying when one refers to oneself in third person.

Until next time,
Ethan, or me

Blast from the Past : #4

July 11, 2007--PT 101

So good news for the class. Ethan passed a test! He is still far from passing the class, but passing the test is a start. He peed on his potty. Okay, Mommy has been making him walk around naked all day, and he was sitting on it while watching a movie, so it wasn't a conscious decision at first. Mommy is expecting Ethan to get better and better at this thing. We as brothers think she is being too optimistic.

Wii, Wii, Wii, All the Way Home

I gave in. My boys have been wanting a Nintendo Wii for a while. They are 8 and 6 (my nearly 23 month old doesn't care). Most all of their friends have some sort of video game system. Most actually have more than one, and a hand-held version. Yuk.

Technically, the boys paid for half of it (although Aidan's 1/4 actually covered more than Ethan's 1/4!)

The Wii has magical powers. It can take a great morning of the boys cooperating, playing well together, taking turns, laughing at each other's jokes (at the appropriate times), etc., and, in an instant of turning it on, the boys are argumentative, fighting over who goes first, laughing at each other's failures on the game, etc.

The Wii is about to "go to the market" if we can't get this under control.

Just FYI

I would like to write down some of my children's latest sayings, because facebook won't save my status updates for all eternity. It only goes back so far. So, I am wanting to remember some of their statements, since my kids are the funniest, most interesing people on the planet.

I will try to do this often, but my hopes are not too high that I will succeed.

1. Aidan: "If no one in my family believed in God, I would go to my room, lock my door, and read my Bible and pray." Ethan: "I would say 'Hey, believe in God!' and punch them." (Ethan then decides [after our discussion about what people would think about his God if he punched them] name calling would be his tactic.)

2. Ethan, coming down the stairs: "I am just a regular dude...who's ninja."

3. Aidan and Ethan were making a concoction of leaves/grass/dirt/water for the bugs/worms/etc. Ethan: "You know people from North Carolina would like to try this." What?

4. Ethan, after arguing with Aidan: "He keeps using his muscles and strategy!"

5. Aidan talking about his school project: "Third grade girl walked by and said, 'Yeah, that's my favorite."" Ethan: "Yep...she definitely loves you."

6. Phill to the boys: "So tell me what we read last night?" (from the Bible) Aidan: "The story of Jesus coming to Jerusalem, people throwing down their coats and branches." Phill: "Good. And what were they saying?" Ethan: "Um....Go, Jesus!"

7. "Girls are so weird and whiny when it comes to mud."--Aidan, age 7

8. Hearing your 7 and 5 year old singing "He Reigns" with your 14 month old dancing can bring you to a place of worship like nothing else. (So this was a status update from 8-21-2010. Even though it wasn't something they said, it is something I hope to remember.)

9. Aidan, age 7: "There were 8 girls in class today, and I was the only boy." Me: "You'll love it when you're older. They'll all be fighting over you." Aidan: "If it's a karate fight, I would totally win." (August 1st, 2010)

10. Aidan reciting the Lord's prayer: "...but deliver us from evil, for tight is the kingdom and the power..."

11. Ethan: "With you sore on your foot and your short hair, mommy, you are...kind of...ugly....kind of."

12. Aidan: "Mommy, you're kinda rock star-ish." Either I am really awesome, or my kids are way too sheltered...hmmm. (Wrote this down to remind Aidan when he's a teenager. May 2010)

13. Aidan: "The Bible says to love our enemies, right? So does that mean God loves the devil?"

14. Ethan: "I am not kicking you, Mommy. I am just pushing you with my feet."

This is all for now. I love my boys!