Prove It

My brother is trying to adopt. His wife and he have been caring for the baby for 3 weeks, and now it looks like the adoption will probably not go through. Nothing is certain. They are waiting.

1. God already knows what is going to happen. (assurance)
2. Will my praying or how does my praying affect what is going to happen? (question)
3. God loves the baby. (assurance)
4. Isn't having Brody in a Bible-teaching family what is best for him vs. a family who won't raise him in Truth? (question)
5. God tells us to pray. Jesus Himself prayed. (assurance)
6. What does it accomplish? How does it benefit a situation the sovereign LORD already has in His control? (question)

I don't know how to pray. I want B and J to be able to take Brody home soon. I want to see Brody for family visits and holidays. I want his biological family to get the heck out of his life. I want B and J's heartache to be over, and for them to be able to say, "It's all been worth it, now that the little guy is ours."

Reality is: the adoption won't happen. The meth-addicted, scum-bag father has decided to stake his claim, even though he just showed up last week. He has a sister who is orchestrating all this because she wants the baby. Meanwhile, there is a precious life, being loved and cared for by a great family. This baby will probably be stripped from their arms and handed over to a crappy life.

Why, God? Why pray? I want You to show up mightily and specifically in this situation. I KNOW You are sovereign, and loving, and perfect. I just doesn't FEEL it right now.

I want You to prove it.

Ridiculously Jealous

I am going to be very transparent. No one reads this but me, so I suppose I am not being as transparent as I wish to be...

Anyway, I am insanely jealous. Are you ready for this? I have a friend who is pregnant. I am jealous. I see babies at church being born to these wonderful people. I am jealous. I want to be happy for them all, but I am jealous. (Admitting this is the first step, so sorry for the redundancy.)

I have three beautiful, healthy boys and a fantastic husband who is a great father. Why can't I be satisfied? Is this desire to have another baby motivated by the fact that we can't have another one? Phillip has had surgery, so no more little Lytles from us. I have heard from other women older than I that this is normal. We are created to be fruitful and multiply, so there is a period of sadness once this is over. I am glad to know I am not alone. However, this does not excuse it.

So, forgive me, young and/or pregnant mother, when I give a little eye roll at your complaints about being tired, midnight feedings, swollen feet, and the need to urinate every few minutes. It's not you, it's me.

Maybe I can dream about it while I enjoy an uninterrupted night's sleep.

Just FYI

I would like to write down some of my children's latest sayings, because facebook won't save my status updates for all eternity. It only goes back so far. So, I am wanting to remember some of their statements, since my kids are the funniest, most interesing people on the planet.

I will try to do this often, but my hopes are not too high that I will succeed.

1. Aidan: "If no one in my family believed in God, I would go to my room, lock my door, and read my Bible and pray." Ethan: "I would say 'Hey, believe in God!' and punch them." (Ethan then decides [after our discussion about what people would think about his God if he punched them] name calling would be his tactic.)

2. Ethan, coming down the stairs: "I am just a regular dude...who's ninja."

3. Aidan and Ethan were making a concoction of leaves/grass/dirt/water for the bugs/worms/etc. Ethan: "You know people from North Carolina would like to try this." What?

4. Ethan, after arguing with Aidan: "He keeps using his muscles and strategy!"

5. Aidan talking about his school project: "Third grade girl walked by and said, 'Yeah, that's my favorite."" Ethan: "Yep...she definitely loves you."

6. Phill to the boys: "So tell me what we read last night?" (from the Bible) Aidan: "The story of Jesus coming to Jerusalem, people throwing down their coats and branches." Phill: "Good. And what were they saying?" Ethan: "Um....Go, Jesus!"

7. "Girls are so weird and whiny when it comes to mud."--Aidan, age 7

8. Hearing your 7 and 5 year old singing "He Reigns" with your 14 month old dancing can bring you to a place of worship like nothing else. (So this was a status update from 8-21-2010. Even though it wasn't something they said, it is something I hope to remember.)

9. Aidan, age 7: "There were 8 girls in class today, and I was the only boy." Me: "You'll love it when you're older. They'll all be fighting over you." Aidan: "If it's a karate fight, I would totally win." (August 1st, 2010)

10. Aidan reciting the Lord's prayer: "...but deliver us from evil, for tight is the kingdom and the power..."

11. Ethan: "With you sore on your foot and your short hair, mommy, you are...kind of...ugly....kind of."

12. Aidan: "Mommy, you're kinda rock star-ish." Either I am really awesome, or my kids are way too sheltered...hmmm. (Wrote this down to remind Aidan when he's a teenager. May 2010)

13. Aidan: "The Bible says to love our enemies, right? So does that mean God loves the devil?"

14. Ethan: "I am not kicking you, Mommy. I am just pushing you with my feet."

This is all for now. I love my boys!

Real People?

I am very frustrated with women, specifically moms. What's up with all the "I need to find out who I am" and "I am no longer a real person" and "I need to find me buried in all this mom stuff" kind of talk!?! I find this sad.

First, notice the focus of all these statements and similar sentiments. "I, I, I". Scripture is pretty clear that we are to consider others better than ourselves. It's pretty clear we are to serve our families. The root of "finding yourself" can be very self-centered and self-serving.

Second, life is changing constantly. From infancy, people change. Milk to solids. Diapers to toilets. Home to school. Elementary to middle school, to high school, to college. Single-hood to marriage. Then to motherhood (preferably following this order.) Once motherhood strikes, there is a sense of mourning women go through. The cause could be too many expectations on mothers working both in and out of the home, the problem women have with being perceived as perfect, or many others. The cause is not really the point here. Why the the mourning of what was? I have seen many family members and friends go through divorce because of mourning the previous chapter of life.

Third, this leads to discontentment. Looking back and wishing life were the same before the kids rocked your world, or longing for the days when you didn't have to be concerned with a husband and his needs, can really mean you are not available in the present. You are not thankful for the present. You may become bitter towards those you are supposed to love and serve.

So do me a favor, mothers and wives: get over yourself, stop mourning for the past, and be thankful for the present while looking forward to what God has for you in the future! I am not saying you shouldn't have moments away from your kids like girls' night out, dates with your husband, shopping all by yourself--all ways to rejuvenate so you can get back to business: serving God and serving others, your family being first among the "others".

When playing with my two boys several years ago (the third was not born), they wanted to pretend. So, one said, "Mommy, you are not a mommy in this game, you are a real person." I had to laugh at his idea/description of motherhood as compared to everyone else. He was not even four years old.

Mothers should not have the same perspective as 3 1/2 year old.

Writing It Down

My kids are really great. They are stinkin' funny, and exceptionally cute. I know all parents think this, but have you met my kids? Some of their lines are status updates on facebook, and my father-in-law reminds me "You should really write this stuff down!" Isn't that what I am doing by using my status updates to quote them? You mean, facebook won't save my old statuses...statusi...statussesss...anyway, shouldn't it all be saved from day one from when I opened my account?

I have always been horrible at writing things down, from countless diaries with only one entry as a little girl to trying to journal through my private time with God. I failed, and still do fail, at all attempts to chronicle through the written word. This blog shows my failure at this...take a look at the dates and how often I post.

I have come to accept that I don't think it's necessary to write things down. Is it a good idea? Yes. Is it a healthy, therapeutic habit in which all (especially parents) must engage in order to capture familial memories and grow in our relationship with the Creator? Um, well, I think that is pushing it a bit.

Success: Week One

Well, we did it! We did not eat out during my first week of school We did eat out today, Sunday, but the circumstance were "special" and I won't go into it now.
P and I were talking yesterday and wishing we would have started taking pics of all the food I have made. Here are a few of the meals:
bow-tie pasta salad with grapes, tomatoes, feta, and fresh basil
stuffed peppers (crock pot)
grilled BBQ chicken thighs
pizza wraps
quiche

The surprising aspect of this new adventure is the two oldest boys (ages 7 and 5) ate relatively well. Neither are good eaters, so they didn't eat any worse than what they normally eat.

Maybe I will start taking some pictures of the gorgeous meals I am making. They are colorful and healthy. I have lost weight and I still am not exercising. (My excuse: too hot. Literally over 100 degrees many days.)

This was also the first week of a very stressful start to a school year. Just to list why:
1. school was flooded, so my materials were lost
2. school wasn't completely finished by day 1, so my room wasn't ready
3. my hard drive died, losing all my data; had to re-create many docs
4. found out during in-service that I, an Eng. teacher for the past 4 yrs., would be teaching a math class
5. baby going to a new babysitter

Good enough, though more could be added. Still, not a bad week. Looking forward to getting to know my students.

Better eating, better price

I am trying to feed my family healthy food without going out to eat and breaking the bank. I will try to blog regulary about this new adventure to let all my faithful readers know how it's going. (Insert laugh here.)

With a full time job and three small kids, drive-thrus and going out to eat have been our normal. I feel this is poor stewardship of our money and of our bodies. So, here we go.

I spent 111 dollars at the grocery store on Saturday. For a family of 5, this is not too bad. I hope to not go out to eat this week, and stay within our 125 dollars/week budget amount for food.

Hurting My Kids...On Purpose

As a parent, sometimes causing pain purposefully in the lives of our children is necessary. The pain itself is not what we desire, but the purpose of the pain.

The most common example most of us experience is when we take them to the doctor for immunizations. We don't like seeing them get the painful shot. But we do it anyway. We even have to assist the nurse. We are asked to hold the child's arms and/or legs. He looks up with the sweetest grin, not knowing what is about to happen. Then the stick. Then the hurtful, betrayed look. It's as if with one glance he is saying, "Mommy, how could you? I trusted you. Why would you let this happen?" He is too young to understand that it is to protect him from more serious pain. He can't possibly understand that we do it out of love.

I wonder how many times God has to hold our arms as we get a shot. How many times have we looked at Him with a look of betrayal? Unlike me, He is the perfect parent. How much more should I trust His allowance of pain in my life? I understand that this is not the sole purpose of pain in our lives. But it is one purpose. Unlike my child, who forgets my role in the pain he experienced with his shot (basically once we are out of the dr.'s office, he's trusting me again), I am not so quick to trust my Father again. Sometimes it leads to bitterness.

I just finished suctioning out my 8 month old's nose. He has a cold, and is too young to blow his nose. So, I had to use the bulb syringe to clear it out so he could breathe. It was not fun. It was very uncomfortable for him. Probably painful. But now, he is breathing easier.

And he is sleeping peacefully.

Mario Bros.

My two oldest sons, ages 6 and 5, were playing Mario Bros. this week; however, we don't own a Nintendo. They weren't playing the game, but they were pretending the game. They each chose a character from it (they have played it before when our classic Nintendo still worked as well as on the Wii at friends' houses) and were running around the house as those characters. At first I felt bad for them; other kids their age have video games and are pretty good. My kids don't even know how the controllers work on most gaming systems. Then I realized how much fun they were having. They were running, laughing, working together, and not once did they mention that they wished they had the real game. They were content; they were having fun with what they do have.

How often do I as their parent think they are deprived of something that is unnecessary? How often do I place importance on material things? How often to I feel guilty about things that I shouldn't feel guilty about? How often do I NOT model this contentment that my children were showing because I don't have something?

I see their classmates, while waiting in the cafeteria for school to begin, playing hand-held video game devices. My children have a toy action figure or animal to keep them occupied. Every now and then I see them look at their friends' stuff with some longing. Typically, several of their friends put down their games and join them in an epic battle between a toy dinosaur, Yoda, and a Transformer.

And I am proud. Proud that as they go "without", they seem to be much richer.

Old Blog Posts

Because the original purpose for my blog was going to be focused on my job, the URL reflected that. After posting once, I did not post again until a year later. I then decided to write about my kids as well. So "dcaseventhgradeenglish" didn't really make sense. Here are my first two posts from the previous blog.

Research Papers
Did you hate doing research papers as much as I did in school? As a self-proclaimed dork, I enjoyed most of my school work: the accomplishment of getting all 25 questions completed in a Saxon Math textbook, the writing of essays in response to a short story, the logic behind a geometry proof, and the excitement of breaking down a sentence to diagram it. I would never admit it then, but I loved the learning process which included such activities. But...I always hated doing research papers. Now, as a seventh grade English teacher, I teach how to do a research paper in MLA format and I hate it even more. Maybe I get too much of a thrill standing in front of the class engaged in a conversation. Maybe I get tired of students whining about not finding any information. Maybe I hate it because I hated it as a student! I wish it were not required. I need some suggestions on what to do when I as the teacher despise the content that I am required to teach. I know I can fake it some, but students are wise enough to pick up on it. I don't necessarily want advice on how to teach a research paper, but a discussion on what to do if I hate the content I am teaching, no matter what it is.

Posted a year later:

Research papers...again.
So, I began this blog last year, and I have only posted one entry. Surprising? Not at all. It's ironic that I decided to look up my account to see if it still existed almost one year later. And, again, I am beginning the research paper unit with my seventh grade students. The differences in my feelings on the matter have not changed much, but my purpose for this blog is very different. I was looking at my account so that I can start sharing my thoughts about my kids. After reading my first post from last year, though, I don't want to compartmentalize. So, I will still mention thoughts that are related to my profession, but not solely. I hope to record thoughts that occur to me as I watch my kids. I hope to have a record for me to remember how they talked, played, asked questions, etc. so that I won't forget. This isn't something I am doing in hopes that I get readers. I don't really care if anyone ever reads it. (Apparently this was not what my plans were when I wrote my original post.) We will see if it's another year before I post again.