Once Upon A Time, 11 Years Ago This Very Day....

Aidan, 5th Grade

This guy is amazing.  I am so proud and blessed and humbled to be his mommy.

He loves sports.  He loves his brothers.  He loves church.

He hates giving me kisses, which is understandable. I settle for an occasional hug, but I am not happy about it.  He hates math, though he is very good at it.  English is more his thing. He hates squash, but he will try most any food and keep an open mind about it.  

I couldn't love him more.  

He's very smart.  He loves to learn.  I hope his craving, interest, desire to know things doesn't stop.  I hope he realizes that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, as he continues to grow.

A letter for my boy.

Dear Aidan,

I love you.  I'm sorry when you don't feel like I do, like when I yell about your dirty clothes all over your room.  But never doubt that I love you.  The reason I correct you, share Scripture with you, bug you about hugging me, ask you about your day, etc. is because I love you.

Never allow a girl to have power over you.  Women can be manipulative, using their feminine ways to get what they want.  Don't fall for it.  If a girl acts stupid around you, walk away.  Either she is stupid, so you should avoid her anyway, or she is faking stupid to get your attention.  Which is stupid, so see my previous point.  I know it seems like you are too young for this advice, but the advice about girls needs to be given before you are "ready" so you can be prepared.  And don't be ready until you are 30.

Always be kind, especially to those who mistreat you.  But don't be a victim.  This is a difficult balance.  There will always be "bullies" and no amount of education or school policies or government interference will change that.  So you need to know what to do if you are mistreated.  Remember our go-to policy when you are mistreated through words:  1.  Ask, "Is it true?"  2.  If the answer is yes, thank the person for informing you.  3.  If the answer is no, you can ignore it because it's a lie.  Remember what to do if you are mistreated physically.  #1.  Try to turn the other cheek.  Sometimes, this will cause your attacker to feel surprised and guilty about hurting someone who is kind to them.  But, I know this is not always the case.  So, #2.  Punch back.  You may get kicked out of school, but you won't get in trouble at home.  

Laugh at yourself.  If you take yourself too seriously, you will be disappointed.  You will trip in front of others, you will say something (unintentionally) silly, you will not know something others think you should know.  Laugh along with others who are laughing.  

I am looking forward to our dinner.  One of my favorite things is taking you out to eat every year for your birthday, just the two of us.  I can't wait to talk to you, listen to you, and be amazed by you.  

I love you,

Mom

Lytle Lodge: No Vacancy

We have been without an empty room now since January.  Our foster son arrived exactly 10 weeks ago today.  He's 14 years old.  He's doing very well.

But "doing well" does NOT mean:

• Fostering is easy.  This is never true.  I am very inexperienced compared to other foster parents.  We have only been certified for about a year, and he is only our second guest.  Still, the system is a broken one. Systematic improvements have been made, but it's simply not enough.  Sometimes I don't think it's possible to fix it, because there's no easy answer to helping kids who are victims of such trauma.
• There are no relationship issues.  This is ridiculous when you think about it.  Even newly married couples who choose to live life together have problems as they adjust to getting used to an other (imperfect) human in their home.  New (sleep-deprived, overwhelmed) parents have to adjust when a new baby comes into the family, often causing some stress in the marital relationship.  So imagine bringing in a teenager who has been through hell.  Imagine an entire new culture of relationships. Imagine the child depending on strangers to provide basic needs, which includes love. Now, imagine it's your child.  
• I never think about him leaving.  I hate admitting that his is false.  Sometimes, I imagine our lives after he goes home.  The more space we will have in our house.  (Who cares?  How shallow of me!)  The smaller grocery bill. (Really?  Like I don't serve a God who provides beyond our needs!)  The less complicated, simpler life. (Unacceptable! Serving others involves sacrificing of the easy life, and all Christ-followers are called to serve.)  

"Doing well" does mean:

• He's an easy child to like.  The first child who was placed with us was not easy to like.  It's hard to explain, but he could be very difficult.  We loved him anyway.  We hugged, we praised, we laughed, we had fun, etc.  But it was a deliberate choice, because loving someone means you choose to treat him how you would want to be treated, even if you don't feel like it.  Our teenager is more likable.  He's a moody, 14-year-old, who gets irrationally angry.  But this is what most boys his age are like, from what I have seen as a middle school teacher and what my parenting-of-teens friends say. This guest of ours is fun and independent.  (Extra bonus:  He is neater than my other three boys!)
• We don't have any horror stories.  The ones that "they" tell you about during training.  The ones that may make you change your mind if you are considering fostering.  The ones that you expect to happen if you say "yes" to a teenager being placed in your home.  For example, destroying their room by breaking windows and punching holes in walls.  Sneaking out and running away.  Getting drugs at school and bringing them into your home.  Terrifying defiance.  None of this has happened, and I thank God for it.

So, that's the latest Lodge Event!